11/6/12

Grateful


When you reach out, and let down your walls, people will support you.

I have spent so much time over the past year within myself. Keeping everything that has been going on with me private. 
I worry that people will judge me, or worse yet, try to fix me. I hide and I run away like a frightened rabbit when people try to fix me! I don’t know if it’s because I don’t want to be judged as weak, or unhealthy, or whatever monikers other might put upon me, real or imagined.

Last week I went to my home group AA meeting and completely lost it. I don’t think I’ve cried in a meeting like that since I was new to recovery. It has been at least over a decade – maybe even as much as 15 years since I just hopelessly bawled in a meeting.

But there I was, sobbing. The topic was acceptance and I realized that I just hadn’t accepted where my life is RIGHT NOW. I was fixated on what I wished my life was, what I thought it should be, or used to be, or will be; all of those things instead of just accepting where I am right now. 
I am so grateful for those internet arms and flesh and blood arms that have reached out to me, without judgment, but instead with love and support.

On Day 6 of NaBloPoMo, and Day 6 of Gratitude Month…I am grateful.

2 comments:

  1. I think I am on a roll with the earliest comment I had made....it is a perennial winner:

    "If we can agree that God is; "everything, everywhere, all the time" then all that there is, is God.

    That being true, the entirety of you is exactly as Created, and my dear, God does not mistakes.

    I say; " I love and bless you and ask you to "Know" deep within your heart that you are accepted and loved by many"."

    Love and light,
    Richard

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  2. When I needed to find a best rehab these guys made the difference. They gave me the help I needed and it made a big difference for the rest of my life. 4 years sober!

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