1/1/11

New Year

For the past three weeks, I have been in what I call "turtle mode." During certain periods, directly related to my BiPolar II disorder, I become paralyzed, I isolate, and just try my hardest to maintain. The good news is that this period lasted three weeks instead of three months because I am forcing myself to get out of my funk. Today I was all prepared to tackle the things I have been hiding from but woke up with the stomach flu instead.

Out the window is also my abstinence from sugar. During the last three weeks I have been eating behind my feelings.

I feel so screwed up. I really think I should be more together when I have almost 16 years of sobriety. 2010 has been a really tough year for me, and I am determined that 2011 be about facing my fears and not eating over my feelings.

It's good to be back.
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5 comments:

  1. ShadowJanuary 2, 2011 at 4:19 AM

    don't beat yourself up. feelings are not something we can control, we can merely manage them. hang in there. the clouds WILL lift.

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  2. DeborahJanuary 2, 2011 at 6:07 AM

    You should be patting yourself on the back. You a aware which is so much more than many are. Life will always have its ups and downs, the downs just get less and hold less charge. I think you are doing brilliantly and I agree with Shadow, be kind to yourself x

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  3. Sharon RoseJanuary 2, 2011 at 10:30 AM

    It's good to see you are back. You were missed.

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  4. Sharon RoseJanuary 2, 2011 at 10:32 AM

    May I ask, what kind of family support do you need during those moments of isolating?

    My sister has a new diagnosis of this. We've been BFF's from birth. All of a sudden, we are so disconnected. I don't know how to respond in a way that is helpful. She can't find the words to tell me what she needs.

    Suggestions are good here.

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  5. Business IQJanuary 2, 2011 at 5:44 PM

    Thanks so much everyone.

    Pastor Sharon: The best thing you can do is let your sister know that you understand, and that there is no pressure for her to be anywhere other than where she is right now. And, my sponsor lets me know I am loved. "You're loved" and its okay if I don't call for a little while, but then I need to pull myself up by my bootstraps.

    My husband is super supportive. He is my rock, and he loves me unconditionally.

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