Ten Things I’ve Learned in Recovery, #10

The only thing wrong with the way you think is the way you think.

When I first came into the program I was told, "Whatever you think you should do, do the opposite." This became a philosophical conundrum, because at what point does that circular reason end?

When you first enter recovery, of any kind, the most powerful barrier is your mind, because it is broken. Your mind is broken, but you think it works just fine. Your mind tells you all sorts of things, "I'm not as bad as these people." "I never drank like that". It never tells you thoughts like, "Hmmm. If I was perfectly fine, than how the hell did I end up here?"

When I first came into recovery I was 16 years old, it was very easy to try to rationalize that I certainly wasn't as bad as these crusty, old men. For a while, I thought I was being brainwashed. Eventually I realized my mind could use some cleansing.

Now my destructive thoughts are much different. The thought of drinking doesn't cross my mind. But, my mind is still broken. My mind thinks that when I am right, that means something. My mind thinks that when I wrong, it's not that important. My mind thinks that whatever my mind thinks, is the most important, all consuming, righteous, wonderful brilliant thought of all time.

But my mind is wrong.

So, we learn, that when it comes to the mind, we can only know one thing for sure. Your mind is like a dangerous neighborhood and we should never go in there alone.