Higher Power

Talking about my personal beliefs in a Higher Power is difficult. I often don't because I am certain I will be judged for the manner in which I seek a deeper relationship with the Divine. I have found that in creating a list of what my Higher Power is, it often starts with a list of what my HP is not.

So…here's taken a step out of my comfort zone. (You may need to download Hebrew Font to read)



I believe in ~yhla, Elohiym. The plurality of God. The God of Judaism, Islam, and Christianity.



I believe in hwhy, pronounce Adonay, also translated as Jehovah, or Yahweh- translated as the "the existing ONE" from adown (!wda) meaning master OR husband.


 
In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.

In Genesis, God is referred to Elohiym, the plural form. Later, in GEN 1:26, it says, "Let US make man after our image" referring to the plurality of God. Later when on, there becomes a separation, and Elohiym is Adonay – from the plural to the singular.

And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep.

The words for FORM and VOID are Tohuw and Bohuw, UNREALITY and EMPTY.

DARKNESS is Choshek, a secret place. Whereas Tohuw and Bohuw are NOUNS (states of being) Choshek is a VERB – a state of doing.

DEEP is Ehowm - derivative of Huwm, meaning discomfort, confusion.

Then the feminine word for BREATH is used, and this breath of Eloyhim moved (Rachaph, meaning relaxed), on the face of the waters. Waters, the Hebrew word Mayhim, meaning confusion…Mayhem.

The BREATH RELAXED THE MAYHEM.

And God said, let there be light, and there was light.

Again, a feminine word OWR, in the NOUN form meaning light, in the verb form meaning illumination.

And the plurality of God, said let there be light, and the mayhem was illuminated.

This is how I feel about my relationship with God.

That there was a state of unreality and emptiness, and that within them was a secret place. Deep, discomfort and confusion. Then the breath of God relaxed the confusion, and moved over the mayhem. Eloyhim said let there be light, and the confusion was illuminated.

This is the Genesis of my relationship with God.



On rereading, it may seem hard to follow my thought process, but I really wanted to share this.

 

Ten Things I’ve Learned in Recovery, #10

The only thing wrong with the way you think is the way you think.

When I first came into the program I was told, "Whatever you think you should do, do the opposite." This became a philosophical conundrum, because at what point does that circular reason end?

When you first enter recovery, of any kind, the most powerful barrier is your mind, because it is broken. Your mind is broken, but you think it works just fine. Your mind tells you all sorts of things, "I'm not as bad as these people." "I never drank like that". It never tells you thoughts like, "Hmmm. If I was perfectly fine, than how the hell did I end up here?"

When I first came into recovery I was 16 years old, it was very easy to try to rationalize that I certainly wasn't as bad as these crusty, old men. For a while, I thought I was being brainwashed. Eventually I realized my mind could use some cleansing.

Now my destructive thoughts are much different. The thought of drinking doesn't cross my mind. But, my mind is still broken. My mind thinks that when I am right, that means something. My mind thinks that when I wrong, it's not that important. My mind thinks that whatever my mind thinks, is the most important, all consuming, righteous, wonderful brilliant thought of all time.

But my mind is wrong.

So, we learn, that when it comes to the mind, we can only know one thing for sure. Your mind is like a dangerous neighborhood and we should never go in there alone.

Finding Who I Am

I was in a meeting today and someone mentioned how grateful she was that when she was in a meeting she could be herself. I felt so sad, because I haven't been able to be myself anywhere in so long.

Why is that?

Where to Find Serenity

At the meeting I went to today the topic was, "How do you find serenity?" This was a great topic considering the book I'm reading.