I'm really trying to understand humility, but unfortunately, it seems like a big secret. In meetings, I've heard, "if you say you have humility, you don't." Which means when you ask someone about it, they become very tight lip.

"Well, can't you tell me a little bit about humility…like, how to be more humble?"

You usually see a blank look, maybe emphatic head shaking. They can't talk about humility because then it would mean they didn't have it. The ultimate philosophical conundrum.

I don't have humility, so I'm free to talk about it.

First, I have found that when I'm starting to feel good about myself, ego rears its ugly head and says, "You are sooooo under appreciated. You are waaaayyy better than average." I like to listen to this because it is so much nicer than the other thoughts – the low self-esteem that says, "you are worthless…you are disgusting."

So I invite ego in, we hang out, we go places together. But soon I find that ego is just as isolating as depression, because ego has nothing nice to say about anyone else.

Where is the middle, between big ego and low self-esteem?

The underlying principle of Step Seven is humility, "We humbly ask him to remove our shortcomings."

Step Seven is very clear that without humility no person can expect real happiness. And most importantly, that without humility the faith to meet adversity isn't available.

Then I finally read, "The chief activator of our defects is self-centered fear – primarily fear that we would lose something we already possessed, or fail to get something we demanded."

And that about sums it up for today. Self-centered fear. Not only do I get so wrapped up in worries about how life is affecting ME ME ME. But, when I'm wrapped in fear…all I can focus on is me. I completely lose any presence of mind.

"All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, stress, worry - all forms of fear - are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." - Eckhart Tolle


  1. hello, i've enjoyed this post..interesting.

    "Where is the middle, between big ego and low self-esteem?"

    that’s a question, i ask myself, often. many moons ago, someone once asked - what did i want, what was I looking for, in life? my answer was.. and still is, balance lol.

    it’s a funny thing, isn’t it? as much as we search for it, we cant quite find it. (rather like the humility) there’s glimpses of it.. moments.. but it’s not something we can keep.. hold on to, grasping. thinking about it now, that goes completely against the nature of balance, doesn’t it? it’s essence is mutable.. the see saw.. it’s a work..always in progress.. we can gain more understanding as we age and grow.. but are we ever completely balanced?

    as for humility.. what’s that then ? lol :-P


  2. Green Whisper: Thanks so much for your thoughts. Balance is incredibly difficult, and it seems like that is the ongoing work of a life time.

    I did read something very interesting yesterday about "being right-sized". Which is about working for a real perspective about your place in the Universe - and being small in the hands of God.

  3. This was a comment on someone else's blog by someone else's reader...but I loved it so much I posting as a comment on my blog so I won't forget. (is that odd?)



    "Perpetual quietness of heart. It is to have no trouble. It is never to be fretted or vexed, irritable or sore; to wonder at nothing done against me."

    "It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised, it is to have a blessed home in myself where I can go in and shut the door and pray to my Father in secret and be at peace, as in a deep sea of calmness, when all around and about is seeming trouble."