Love, Fear, and People

I'm still pondering Step Ten this week, the next quote is this:

The idea that we can be possessively loving of a few, can ignore the many, and can continue to fear or hate ANYBODY, has to be abandoned, even if only a little at a time.

This is a big one for me. I tend to use my family as my refuge and ignore, fear everyone else. Hate isn't a word I use much anymore, but there are a few people that I must admit…the feeling I have for them comes awful close.

The importance of reviewing our day and asking ourselves, "Did I love a few, ignore the many, fear or hate others?" is important because it lets us know if we are in emotional balance.

Possessively loving a few isolates us and puts a lot of pressure on those we possessively love. If our circle grows too small, we put more, and more demands on those people for emotional fulfillment.

This is especially true for this codependent.

When we ignore the many we start to lack perspective. This doesn't mean one has to be a social butterfly, but when we are truly being a conduit for the love of our HP, then its effects are exponential. I am also a strong believer in avoiding "group think"…when a small group of people can co-sign one another's bullshit.

Finally, fear and hate…which are likely the same. I've always thought hatred was extremely negatively focused fear. A personal truth of mine is that we are either in love or fear…the best choices come from love.

I fear too many people. I fear being judged, disliked, rejected…so I tend to not reach out. This tendency towards over self-protection is often misread (especially by women) as being stand-offish, conceited or a snob. I had a coworker tell me once that I walk around like I'm better than everyone, with my shoulders back, head high, looking down on everyone. I let her know that I have a bad back and good posture helps ease the pressure, and yes, being 5'10" means I do look down on most people…it' a matter of vertical physics. I let her know that I was as insecure as the next person and our relationship completely changed.

I share that story only because it showed me that people misread me and that my fear of reaching out less I be judged…that fear perpetuates the judgment and manifests exactly that which I fear!!!

Judgment is what I fear most…and those people who I intensely dislike? Those are the people who have openly judged me.

So, in my daily reflection I add a few more to the list.

  • Did I isolate?
  • Did I fear or hate another?
  • Did I judge others harshly?
  • Did I love myself?
I added the last one, because the antidote of "fear of judgment" is "love yourself more." This was my first sponsor's most repeated solution to me…"Lisa…love yourself more."


  1. I can relate! I've also had people tell me that until they got to know me they had originally thought I was a snob. Nope, just extremely insecure! Being shy doesn't help either because some people think I'm being stand-offish. Now days I'm much more confident and with that I've become a little more outgoing. Also, with age comes a certain acceptance of what will be, will be and I'm not going to waste my precious energy worry about what most people think. I just try to be the best I can be and leave it at that. So much less pressure!

  2. I feel like I'm really coming into balance with big ego versus low self-esteem. It's funny how working on my boundaries makes me less stand-offish.

  3. Been here done this!
    My personal truth is: Love and Fear cannot exist in the same space.

    In this moment, know this:
    You are loveable.
    You do matter.
    You make a difference.