I went to a "young people's meeting" today, even though (to be candid) I am only youngish it brought back a flood of memories of being 16, sitting in a meeting, realizing I was totally screwed. Being an alcoholic was a death sentence…never another drink? Never another party?
My entire teenage life was ruined. Thank God I remembered, "Just for Today."
Because a day at a time I have grown into a woman, who understands that life is far richer when I am on a spiritual path of physical, spiritual, mental sobriety. At this young people's meeting, I remember sitting in that same room, around that same table, 17 years ago. I remember hearing a woman with four years of sobriety talk so gut-wrenchingly honest about the self-loathing that she felt. How, when she looked in the mirror, she saw the most disgusting, revolting human being.
I cannot express how happy this made me.
Not because I was glad she was suffering, but because at last someone else was signing my song. I was not alone in feeling worthless. I was not alone in my big huge bucket of self-loathing and shame.
Today my song is different. I can tell you it was like that. Some days, some moments, are still like that. But I get a daily reprieve from my suffering contingent on my spiritual condition.
Namaste.
