I went to a "young people's meeting" today, even though (to be candid) I am only youngish it brought back a flood of memories of being 16, sitting in a meeting, realizing I was totally screwed. Being an alcoholic was a death sentence…never another drink? Never another party?
My entire teenage life was ruined. Thank God I remembered, "Just for Today."
Because a day at a time I have grown into a woman, who understands that life is far richer when I am on a spiritual path of physical, spiritual, mental sobriety. At this young people's meeting, I remember sitting in that same room, around that same table, 17 years ago. I remember hearing a woman with four years of sobriety talk so gut-wrenchingly honest about the self-loathing that she felt. How, when she looked in the mirror, she saw the most disgusting, revolting human being.
I cannot express how happy this made me.
Not because I was glad she was suffering, but because at last someone else was signing my song. I was not alone in feeling worthless. I was not alone in my big huge bucket of self-loathing and shame.
Today my song is different. I can tell you it was like that. Some days, some moments, are still like that. But I get a daily reprieve from my suffering contingent on my spiritual condition.
Namaste.
to even THINK that 'not another drink for the rest of my life' will sink my resolve quicker than mist disappearing before a ray of sunlight... one day at a time is the ONLY way to go! and you're so right, if you really think about it? the sober times are the best times of all. the clarity of what is, the intensity of emotions both good and bad) and the guilt-free days... what a pleasure.
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