Value Added

I value the life that has been given me.
I value the path I am on.

My lessons are hard won.
My lessons are worth the effort.

I value my own intelligence.
I will be still, listen, and honor that voice.

Love Song to Alcoholism

For some reason when I listen to this song I think of alcoholism...troubles...depression. Things I have worked to overcome.  It's such a beautiful song, and music video...I thought I would share.

Balance

I am beginning to learn a little bit more about balance; and how boundaries play an important role in having balance in your life.

Work has been very demanding on me lately. It's not because I'm a workaholic. It's not because I've been mismanaging my time. It is because we have a huge project due on Wednesday, and we have to finish… even if it takes ten hours a day, six days a week.


Usually I spend my time feeling desperately guilty when my work is so demanding. That it's my fault. That I have to apologize to the world. I also expect the same amount of time and effort in every other area of my life.

This is a physical and mental impossibility. There is only so much time in a day. There are only so many hours I can be awake. There is only so much mental fortitude I can apply before I am exhausted.

So, balance is about giving yourself some grace. Understanding that to give time and effort in one area, you must take time and effort from another. Balance is about honoring what you're taking from and making sure you give back when you can. This week, I am required to be of service to my employer. When the project is done, I must give back to my family and myself.

Boundaries are important because they protect me from the guilt. I cannot change what is right now. I don't need to beat myself up about it. I need to honor myself and maintain my conscious contact with my HP to make sure that I am accepting the things I cannot change, having the courage to change the things I can…and not the other way around.

(P.S.) When I originally wrote this the sentence "I must give back to myself and my family" and then I changed it to be "my family and myself." Is that co-dependent?

Pause

we measure time

as it ticks away

counting down

what was

we measure time

as what lies ahead

wondering what shall be

but each moment

before another ticks away

there is a breathless stop

a pause 

this is now

another Magpie Tale

I See The Path

It is amazing when all of the theories, ideas, insights and practices you've been working on in your life finally converge and REAL CHANGE happens!

I have been really focused on reaching out. It started with this blog…blogging again after months of being Out of Commission. I started tentatively, knowing that God Could and Would if He were Sought.

Then, as I started digging into myself (and another Fourth Step) and realized that I had a lot of fear and codependency issues.

So, I made the commitment to reach out…and today I really felt my life making it over the hump.

The culmination was really very simple.

Lately, work has been crazy. We've been working like crazy on the BUDGET, which is a daunting, all consuming task. As some of us are locked in our office, pouring over financials, the employees have felt the extra workload and the lack of one-on-one attention.

Everyone is on edge. I've been owning EVERYONE'S stress, and not asking for help. Today I imagined a Teflon bubble of love around me, where the negativity other's bounced off of me. At the same time, I was able to reach out (i.e., delegate) in a way that helped me, and expanded the knowledge of others.

I realized I was beginning to see the framework for healthy relationships and a healthy sense of self. Perhaps not life changing, but a huge step in the right direction.

I also realized, that all the STUFF that I PROCRASTINATE on is so overwhelming because every aspect of my life is filled with the demands of others. I take no time to take care of myself and the business in my personal life that needs attending.

So far to go. 

But I'm at the crossroad where I see the path before me, and can't wait to trudge the road.

Stolen Thoughts

"Boundaries are basically about limiting unacceptable behavior. Understanding how to set up and maintain healthy boundaries is a key factor in addressing what are sometimes called the Four M's of codependency, namely


 

 

managing, mothering, manipulation and martyrdom."

 

 

Recovery Thoughts from ChitownGreg

 

Your Greatest Gift

When we take a moment to reflect on all the love that has been given to us over the years, we will be amazed. What was the greatest gift you ever received? How did it make you feel? Were you able to truly receive that gift?


In honor of the upcoming holidays, I hope you will share your gift story here by linking back to your own blog post!


Photo courtesy of webbyfreebies.com

A Daily Reprieve

That's me. I'm the blond. I was 15-years-old, a runaway, and an alcoholic.

I went to a "young people's meeting" today, even though (to be candid) I am only youngish it brought back a flood of memories of being 16, sitting in a meeting, realizing I was totally screwed. Being an alcoholic was a death sentence…never another drink? Never another party?

My entire teenage life was ruined. Thank God I remembered, "Just for Today."

Because a day at a time I have grown into a woman, who understands that life is far richer when I am on a spiritual path of physical, spiritual, mental sobriety. At this young people's meeting, I remember sitting in that same room, around that same table, 17 years ago. I remember hearing a woman with four years of sobriety talk so gut-wrenchingly honest about the self-loathing that she felt. How, when she looked in the mirror, she saw the most disgusting, revolting human being.

I cannot express how happy this made me.

Not because I was glad she was suffering, but because at last someone else was signing my song. I was not alone in feeling worthless. I was not alone in my big huge bucket of self-loathing and shame.

Today my song is different. I can tell you it was like that. Some days, some moments, are still like that. But I get a daily reprieve from my suffering contingent on my spiritual condition.

Namaste.

So What? Now What?

Modern psychology seems focused on finding the root of our problems, the WHY of our behavior. This is important, because it helps us recognized patterns in our life.

Do I know why I spend all day isolating in my room?

I did so because I felt exhausted, tired, depressed, and worthless.

This too shall pass.

I wrote two posts this week that were deeply personal and gut-wrenchingly honest. They were well read. I received many comments. I felt exposed.

Feeling exposed made me want to isolate and hide.

So, I gave myself a day. I spent this evening reflecting on the WHY –the ROOT.

Now I have to ask myself, "SO WHAT? NOW WHAT?!?"

That has been the little phrase that has kept me going for years. So what…things happen. The feelings I have I came by honestly. Are those feelings going to run my life?

Absolutely NOT. I go to bed with a strong decision that tomorrow I will tackle all the things that I was hiding from today. A little bit at a time. With a smile, and the knowledge that GOD COULD AND WOULD IF HE WERE SOUGHT.

And I will remember, that I can be as miserable as I choose to be – or as happy as I choose to be.

The choice is mine. So, now what?

Getting out of my Head

My body aches from being at the computer for more than 12 hours yesterday studying. My mind is tired from endless hours of statistical calculations. I decided it was time to take break and get in touch with the other side of my brain. Here is what I found to inspire me.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

A return to Love, Marianne Williamson

"The deepest secret is that life is not a process of discovery, but a process of creation. You are not discovering yourself, but creating yourself anew. Seek, therefore, not to find out Who You Are, seek to determine Who You Want to Be."

Conversations with God, Neale Donald Walsch

"This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet."

Rumi    

the perfect protest

Thanks to the inspiration of Pixie Mama, who was inspired by Ordinary Courage, I have joined the Perfect Protest.


 Here is why I am not perfect!