11/16/10
I See The Path
It is amazing when all of the theories, ideas, insights and practices you've been working on in your life finally converge and REAL CHANGE happens!
I have been really focused on reaching out. It started with this blog…blogging again after months of being Out of Commission. I started tentatively, knowing that God Could and Would if He were Sought.
Then, as I started digging into myself (and another Fourth Step) and realized that I had a lot of fear and codependency issues.
So, I made the commitment to reach out…and today I really felt my life making it over the hump.
The culmination was really very simple.
Lately, work has been crazy. We've been working like crazy on the BUDGET, which is a daunting, all consuming task. As some of us are locked in our office, pouring over financials, the employees have felt the extra workload and the lack of one-on-one attention.
Everyone is on edge. I've been owning EVERYONE'S stress, and not asking for help. Today I imagined a Teflon bubble of love around me, where the negativity other's bounced off of me. At the same time, I was able to reach out (i.e., delegate) in a way that helped me, and expanded the knowledge of others.
I realized I was beginning to see the framework for healthy relationships and a healthy sense of self. Perhaps not life changing, but a huge step in the right direction.
I also realized, that all the STUFF that I PROCRASTINATE on is so overwhelming because every aspect of my life is filled with the demands of others. I take no time to take care of myself and the business in my personal life that needs attending.
So far to go.
But I'm at the crossroad where I see the path before me, and can't wait to trudge the road.
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Such a positive step, changing is always hard initially as others can hold a strong image of us too that can also be hard to break. Also we ourselves can have a subconcious strong attatchment to behaviours that have formed our identity for so long. I had to say goodbye to many of my identities ... the martyr, the nice girl, miss super helpfull, I'm sorry, always put others first to name but a few, it was hard at first as they had 'worked' for me ... it's strange looking back at that person now, she's obviously still a part of me, just a very small part ... although your posts can start a massive internal dialogue within me sometimes!! :o)
ReplyDeleteIt's so good to hear your upadates and I really am so pleased for you :o)
Holy Cow! You just described ME. "the martyr, the nice girl, miss super helpfull, I'm sorry," I am so very blessed to "know" you and always look forward to your insight :)
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