THE EGO Part II

We often think of Ego as the voice inside our heads that tells us that we are better than others. The part of our psyche that protects us by bolstering our sense of self importance.

EGO is really the illusion that we are separate from those around us. Different in some way. The illusion that we are better than, less than…that we are displaced. The truth is that we are, at all times, part of the Whole, we are a ray of light from the Source. And just as when beams of light converge and there is greater brightness, when we open our eyes to our partnership with the Universe we are illuminated.

To be mindful of our EGO means being mindful of our thoughts. Every thought that puts us above, below, or apart from another is the lie. We must call out the lie, and confront it with the light. This is done with Grace and Humility.

"I see that we are not separate. I honor you. I honor myself. Namaste."

THE EGO

She steals in.
Takes power.
Quietly murmurs.

She leans softly, her breath in my ear.

Each whisper slow poison.

To my thoughts, my soul. 

We Are At Step One

I’ve been really on edge about the compulsive eating, wanting to shove sweets in my mouth constantly, berating myself, rationalizing, arguing, literally holding myself back from eating my trigger foods. In other words, it hasn’t been easy this week at all.

Here is an excerpt from the AA 12x12 that helps me: (words changed)

Who cares to admit complete defeat? Practically no one, of course. Every natural instinct cries out against the idea of personal powerlessness. It is truly awful to admit that, food in  hand, we have warped our minds into such an obsession for destructive drinking that only an act of Providence can remove it from us.

No other kind of bankruptcy is like this one. Food, now become the rapacious creditor, it bleeds us of all self-sufficiency and will to resists its demand. Once this stark fact is accepted, our bankruptcy as going human concerns is complete.

Upon entering AA we soon take quite another view of this absolute humiliation. We perceive that only through utter defeat are we able to take our first steps toward liberation and strength. Our admission of personal powerlessness finally turn out to be the firm bedrock upon which happy and purposeful lives may be built.

Today I have to remember that I am defeated. It is only through this utter defeat that The One Who Has All Power can rebuild me. The rationalization stops when I remember to tell myself that I am sick, I have a disease. The medicine is eating food that nourishes, prayer, meditation, and reaching out to those who can understand the awesome nature of this journey.

Bi Product

A wonderful bi-product of dealing with Food Addiction is losing weight. As my figure has slimmed people notice each day the wonderful and nurturing food I bring to work each day. I choose not to share my food plan, because it is designed just for me by my food sponsor. However, I will share recipes here do to popular demand. As add them I will work on building a recipe tab on this blog.

Here is the first one!

Stuffed Bell Peppers

My Name is Lisa

I’ve been silent for a while on my blog. Why? Because my path right now is me dealing with a part of myself that I still have a lot of shame about. Not alcohol. Not even bipolar. What, then, is more shameful than that?

I am a food addict.

I have touched on that briefly before, but for the past few months I have been in Food Addict ER (as my sponsor calls it) and the work has been intense. However, one step still remains difficult for me, and that is admitting that I am a Food Addict.

That means I’m a fatty. A slob. A sloth. A glutton.

Now, I understand that none of these are actually true INTELLECTUALLY, but emotionally it feels that way. Admitting that, left to my own devices I can clear out a pan of brownies because of the feeling it gives me is a hard truth to admit.

I obsess over chips in a bowl. How many should I eat? Is anyone noticing how much I am eating?

I am always “too tired” to prepare healthy, nourishing meals for myself. I am lazy. I just want to throw food in my mouth and stuff myself sick and be done with it.

So, there it is. I am a food addict.

Perhaps now I can get on with the business of blogging.